It was at the stroke of midnight on the 13th day of March in the year before last when Elexabith Geggelkek burst into her sister's room. Jemafer lay upon her four-poster bed, completely naked, her minty skin coated with a thin sheen of sweat. Yes, I said minty, for she and her sister were grunhalbas -- half-human, half-goblin. Some would say Jemafer was the more comely of the two, with a cute and innocent countenance and a more fulsome body, while Elexabith possessed a subtler, more sophisticated beauty and a slimmer physique. Both girls wore scandalously skimpy nightgowns made of faeiriespun, a diaphanous material that clung to their curves, but Jemafer's gown was a lurid shade of pink, while Elexabith's was a sedate, rosy shade.
There was a third 'person' in the room that night, and he was, perhaps, the most remarkable of all, for his skin was made of tin, his innards of brass, his face rubber (it was supposed to resemble Rudolph Valentino), his eyes brown marbles. And inside his head was a primitive clockwork guidance mechanism containing a cardboard disk full of holes.
Jemafer had put him together from a kit she'd ordered through the mail from a company specializing in such contraptions. Originally he had been a soldier, complete with blue uniform and imitation black-fur hat and tin saber, and he was programmed to march around and salute and raise his weapon. But Jemafer had made some modifications, using a soldering iron and a screwdriver and parts derived from an Erector Set, plus some putty and latex, all purchased from a hobby store in Harrogate.
Her first modification, after shucking off his uniform, had been to coat his skin with latex, after which she'd added the Valentino face atop his nondescript soldier's countenance -- taking special care with the soft and pliant lips -- and placed rubber fingertips upon his bland hands. And she'd installed one anatomical feature the original designer had left out entirely, spending much time shaping its width and firmness and angle of elevation till it was exactly to her liking. Then she made a new programming disk, commanding the robot to carry out actions of a romantic rather than military nature.
And now all her hard work was being put to the test, for the revamped robot lay on top of her, introducing its hand-crafted organ into her squirming body with great rapidity.
I'm sure you're wondering, dear reader, why I have chosen to describe this scene in such disgusting detail. Trust me, I am just as repulsed as you are. But such details must be included, because glossing over the truth and speaking in euphemisms can often dull the blade of truth until it no longer cuts to the heart of the matter. And so, with a heavy heart, I continue:
Elexabith had knocked several times before entering the room, but the love-bot's clicks and clanks and whirrs and boings, and the squeaking of the mattress, and Jemafer's own groans of ecstasy, not to mention a certain squishing noise, all these combined to drown out the knocking. And so Elexabith had burst into the room, and gasped as she beheld the mechanical man, nearly dropping her glowstone torch as her free hand flew to her mouth to stifle a cry of astonishment. Only then did Jemafer become aware of her sister's presence.
"Go away!" she groaned.
"This is important," Elexabith said.
Elexabith shrugged. "Suit yourself."
She spun on her heel and walked toward the door, but as she touched the knob she heard odd sounds behind her -- a loud pop, followed by an even louder "spronnnng!" and a raucous "ticketa-tacketa-tocketa-bangaga!"
She wheeled around. The love-bot's back had ruptured, a big spring protruding, jiggling frenetically back and forth as several gears hurtled out of his innards, still spinning. They caromed off the ceiling and clattered to the floor, yet the robot's hips continued to rise and fall several times until he finally collapsed, making an odd sound: "Uh, uh, uh, uhhh."
Jemafer glared up at her tin lover, letting out a frustrated sigh, then grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him off of her. He rolled off the bed and landed on the floor with a loud "ti-boing!"
Jemafer sat up and swung around, glaring at her sister, who was standing by the side of the bed, doubled over with laughter.
"What's so damn funny?" Jemafer demanded.
"Nothing. Nothing at all."